The Welsh Unity Government: Let’s take a look at the Cabinet

After a heated series of debates around who will become the next First Minister of Wales, Greejatus, the Marquess of Bexley and member for Aberavon has emerged as the victory. Leading an unlikely coalition, Greejatus recently announced a new Cabinet, and here at the Telegraph we took the opportunity to review the selection.

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Greejatus, First Minister of Wales, according to a poll of the Welsh Government

First Minister (IND)

With the position of first minster, a post decided by the Senedd itself, occupied by Greejatus, the tone has already been set for the political agenda of the next term. During the debates, Greejatus made a point of ensuring that it was clearly communicated that his government would be “one built on teamwork and compromise, offering a nonpartisan approach to the problems faced by the people of Wales”. However, this does not deter from the fact that Greejatus himself as a sporadic political past, dominated by his tenure as Chairman of the right-wing Libertarian Party, during which time he held several Government posts in a Conservative-Libertarian coalition.

A self-described fan of ‘small government’ and of ‘protecting individual freedom and liberty’, he seems an apt choice for a coalition made up of fiscal conservatives and freedom lovers. However; in less public discussions, Greejatus has made clear that he believes firmly in localism, and believes there is an – albeit limited – role for government to play at this level, hence is winning over of the PPUK, who form a key component of the coalition.

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Deputy First Minister, and Environment Minister, Rhys.

Deputy First Minister & Environment Minister (LD)

Holding the second highest ranked position in this Unity Government is a member of the Liberal Democrats, and a long-time stalwart of Welsh politics, Rhys.

Currently serving in Westminster as a Secretary of State, Rhys is no stranger to cross-party work, having stood side-by-side with members of the Libertarian and the Conservative parties in Wales, in the past. Of note in this appointment is the inclusion of the Environmental portfolio as part of the role of Deputy First Minister, something sources close to the new administration confirm ‘will not change’ and ‘shows that environmentalism is the top of the governments agenda’.

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Sam Gibs (left) with his chief of staff T-twich N-nostrile (right)

Finance and Public Works (CON)

Serving as the Leader of the Welsh Conservative Party, Sam Gibs steps into a new role which expands on the role of finance minister to give the position general oversight over the sponsorship of ‘public works’ across Wales.

The position, which puts the Conservatives in control of the formation of the Welsh Budget, puts Sam Gibs and the Tories in the third highest ranked position in the Government. It is worth noting that the Conservatives also hold the most cabinet positions, and – early reports indicate – the main drive of the government this term will be focused on tax liberalization, with the intention to reduce the burden of taxation on the lowest earners, and make it easier to do business in Wales.

Sam Gibs has been reported to have been in frequent meetings with the new First Minister, and the PPUK leader in Wales, with insiders informing the Telegraph that many of these discussions have focused around support for small businesses, and local government – alongside a grassroots approach to welfare and poverty alleviation.

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Justice Minister, BrexitGlory

Justice Minister (CON)

Considered by many to be the best looking man in Westminster, there can be little denying why BrexitGlory so quickly snapped up the job as Justice Minister in Wales.

With reports showing that the position was initially intended to go to far-left Plaid member, JGM – who apparently had already started drawing up executive orders – it would have come as a shock to all to see a Unity Coalition placing the leader of the ‘Wales Says No’ campaign in the hot seat for Justice.

This appointment shows the Welsh Government is serious about its plans to heal the political divides in Wales, with the First Ministers office commenting directly saying:

We are very excited to see BrexitGlory, a consummate public servant, taking the position of Justice Minister. In order to maximize the effectiveness of the transition period, we felt it best to bring someone in who new the importance of respecting the democratic outcome of the vote, as well as being able to point out some of the transitional issues we could face.

Furthermore, the First Minister themselves will serve in this department, with daily meetings with the Minister to ensure the transition takes place quickly, and with maximum effect.

Office of the First Minister
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Model Eddy, pictured above on the phone to the Scottish Tories

Communities and Local Government (PPUK)

Perhaps the biggest shock in the formation of this government was the inclusion of the PPUK, a party that was assumed to vote for the left-wing coalition being formed. Indeed, this was such a shock that members of the Labour and Plaid took to the press for weeks, attacking the PPUK for their decision to ‘break ranks’. However, in the spirit of a Unity Government, sources close to the First Minister can confirm that the PPUK, and the First Minister, have had consistent talks – mostly regarding local government and welfare provision – for several months, long before the formation of the Unity Government was broached.

With Eddy taking this position, and Harlus assuming the role of ‘Head of the Anti-Poverty Taskforce’ (which reports directly to the First Minister), the Unity Governments positioning as a cross-party approach to the problems Wales faces, is secure.

Willem (right) going for a walk in Wales, probably.

Education Minister (LD)

Taking up the position of Education Minister, the experience Willem, who (rumors’ say) was asked to fill the position by the First Minister, personally. Promising a ‘closer examination’ of the educational system, Willem appears to be keeping their cards close to their chest – however, this important Ministry is another feather in the Liberals hat. Punching above their weight in this coalition, the Welsh Liberal Democrats have done exceptionally well in the negotiations.

Cuth, contemplating the higher mysteries.

Health and Social Care (LPC)

Having previously served in a Labour – Plaid – LPC Government in Wales, Cuth is a veteran of Welsh politics, and previously worked as leader of the LPC when Greejatus himself was a member.

Remarkably little has been provided as to what the LPC asked for in exchange for their support in this government, however sources within the LPC commented saying;

We have worked with the First Minister before, for several years, and there is little to be gained from hiding that simple fact. It is our belief that this Government is one that is built on strong communication and trust, alongside a shared desire to work across party lines for the betterment of Wales.

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Tarkin, wearing the traditional headgear of a Welsh Cowboy

Transport Minister (LPC)

Having once been the winner of the ‘Dick Cheney look alike contest’, Tarkin has served in numerous positions in national Government, and now heads up the LPC. Previously a deputy leader of the Libertarian Party nationally, Tarkin and the First Minister, Greejatus, are reported to ‘go way back’ having once been business partners in the cryptocurrency sector, where they co-chaired the business known as ‘Friedcoin’, before sitting on the board of the Sun Newspaper.

Taking the position of Transport Minister, Tarkin is reportedly looking at improvements for the rail sector across Wales, including electrification of the network, and, of course, a space port and Menia Crossing.

Chi, pasteurizing

Culture Minister (CON)

Whilst strenuously denying that he is in fact, a cow, Chi has taken the position of Culture Minister, increasing the Conservative Parties hold on the cabinet by leading such an important ministry. After all, would we even have a culture if the government didn’t have a minster for it?

With a key focus on the Welsh Language, as well as more cultural and arts support for economical deprived areas, Chi has a challenging task ahead of them for the forthcoming term.

He is also, a bovine.

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Chev, realizing he volunteered for this

Chief of Staff to the First Minister (IND)

Finally, and whilst not holding a Ministerial Post, Chev – a long time supporter of the First Minister – has assumed the position of Chief of Staff, according to source close to the First Ministers office.

Having piloted large amounts of solid legislation through Westminster, mostly with cross-party support, Chev provides years, possibly even decades of experience to the government team.

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